I'm once again torn between what I want to do and what I should do. It's the world...it pegs too much expectations on us without giving a consideration about what we want truly,where our talent really lies. Today,if I tell anyone I want to leave everything and get into music full on,people will only give me the looks only an outcast deserves. Well,to hell with opinionated people and hypocrites. It's also about the success rate. What are the chances I'll get there,where I really want to be? What are the chances I'll be able to feed myself and live the comfortable life I desire? My beliefs were shaken thoroughly last night when I watched bits of "Alienz" 's performance at the college fest. They had tight musicians: the drummer was awesome,as were the keyboard guy and lead guitarist. I was spellbound when they did a cover of "The Wall". They did it rather well. Agreed,no one can imitate to perfection the bass lines of Floyd,but these guys did make a good effort. They were good,that's the bottom line. It's also a fact that I had never heard of these people before and they had minimal media coverage. I shudder to think how much these guys must be earning.

Anyway,worries aside,for me,the immediate goal is to continue and stick with my music for as long as I live. I'll miss performing,that heady feeling when I'm on stage with these brilliant musicians,the lights focussing on me,with one of the guys coming upto me and saying "naughty naughty!" or some such little funny thing that would crack me up. Just about everything. I want to have full control of where my life's going. Honestly,I should stop panicking now.

There are very few musicians I have genuine respect for. My opinions are different from most of my friends. It's actually wrong in some ways,I think,to stay within boundaries. All through my life,whether it was my father,Ma or even Guruji, I've always been told that it is only an open mind that can truly grow to love and understand music. I had another tryst with this invaluable fact last night,sitting next to Avi. The way he listens to music,calm, never speaking more than a few words during a song and soaking it all in. True,Avi may not be the best singer or composer,but it's his attitude that pulls me towards him. Same goes for Nabarun. Nabarun is by far one of the most talented musicians I've met. He listens to the most diverse music and no one appreciates music the way he does. Never overtly critical (something I've still got to learn from him) but always listening to as much as he can and pin pointing the good parts. I admire these people. They're the true music lovers,and it shows.