When I was a child, my life was so much more secure, and change for the worst never threatened my day to day living. I knew that moving up from one class to another every year, buying new clothes and books, going for little outings with mummy, even to the tiny Safari Park was what kept my little life going, and always made me happy.

Things change so much as you grow up. This is an oft repeated line but I've started understanding it further today. One grows grave not just by age, but by the knowledge one acquires about her world. A world, that is tied together by such fragile strings, that happiness is too light a word to keep everything intact.

I'm upset about a lot of things, not JUST one. Till today, I've never had the reason to contemplate about death and understand the lives of others to continue after it. Despite the festivities in which I've been sucked in, my mind remains absent from the merry, thinking about what will happen a few weeks, or even months, from now. I could never even imagine in my wildest of dreams that my almost perfect world will be threatened so suddenly, and something I held so dearly to my heart, and almost taken for granted, might disappear someday. All of this, without informing me. Without taking my permission. Without saying even a silent goodbye.

I've never felt so helpless in my life. So out of place. So powerless, to make things right with the stroke of a wand. So much of disbelief and reasoning clouds my mind, that my tears are evading me.