Heatwave

Ugh!! I HATE summers! And I'm sure summers hate me too. That's why it's troubling me (and so many other people in this city) so much. Seriously,if the weather's bad,I can never sit down to study and fully concentrate. It's such a task sitting in this heat trying to concentrate on what's written in a bunch of morbid looking pages when you suddenly have an urge to wipe off that obnoxious trickle of sweat coming down your nose or your back. I hate losing,but I'm slowly seeing myself getting defeated by the sun. AAAAGRH!!!

But I'm still lucky with a generator. The CESC bastards are making life "living haalllllll" (as Aamir Khan says in that new Tata Sky ad :P) for all Kolkatans. An average of six hours of power cut is what they're getting us used to. So where does all the power in those election campaign meetings come from? I wonder....

But there are some things that are really catching my eye these days. Take for instance that Pink Floyd poster used by CPI(M). I have to admit...I was mighty impressed. They used the cover of the album "The Division Bell" for a campaign to show (quite irrelevantly though) how the TMC is a two faced party. Well I was a little upset about the use of that poster but to think that someone in the CPI(M) listens to Floyd is a pretty interesting thing....although I'm not ruling out the fact that the one who created the poster must be some oddball from my college whom I must be seeing everyday! Nevertheless,I'm impressed!

But who's going to solve the power cut problem????? I'm going to melt in this heatwave!!!! AAAARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

A few random thoughts...moments of restlessness

Things reached their lowest point a few days back. It was Saturday morning and I had switched on VH1 to listen to some music while having breakfast before starting my day. I heard the song "Brighter than Sunshine" then. I didn't pay too much heed to the lyrics but the melody caught my attention and I immediately got addicted to the song. I kept humming it through the whole day. I thought I'd never forget the song. At a certain point during the day,I grew irritated of the song for having been stuck on my mind for so long.As my Facebook status says, when I woke up the next morning,I couldn't remember the song. I felt irritated,frustrated and confused. I needed an explanation. Perhaps it was me who was looking at life in such a complicated way. Perhaps I shouldn't try and analyse everything with my below average analysing abilities.



To hold and then to let go...when??



I always considered S my best friend. We had our ups and downs when we were younger,but there were solutions to petty kiddish problems. Always. And the problems were always because of my over possessiveness. Well,petty things it was then. What was it now? I fail to answer myself. Neither of us would deny there is something. And things such as these should never come between friends who've been with each other forever now. Why is it that the problem itself cannot be realized?



I see now...and then I don't



I'm tired of this pretence now. I'm not really as dumb as people sometimes presume I am. I see everything,but I still pretend I never noticed it all. And I continue acting dumb. Well it's not like I'm sitting and reaching conclusions on my own (before I got "visual" evidence I actually did think about this once,but I thought I was being stupid and oversuspicious). I was sitting right there and seeing everything in front of my eyes. It was dreadfully awkward. But then again,they were behaving in a very "restrained" manner. Yeah,right. With the people whom I thought I could be just the way I am,I had to mask my feelings that day for the first time. I asked for a glass of wine and sat down facing the wall and listening to music I killed myself to pay attention to...and continued pretending. Pretending I was a part of the furniture once,and sometimes to break monotony,that I was deaf and blind.

The big "Push" theory

Unless Uncle would've pushed us three the other day,we wouldn't have performed. We wouldn't have ever got the inspiration. Why do we need to be pushed for everyhting? Yes...its something I love doing with these guys...but what is lacking? Why are we so uninspired?

Heartbreak Hotel

With another chat message coming with a "pung" on Gtalk,my heart skips a beat. What...another break up? Another cheating girl? Another love story that never starts? I'm sick and tired of all the messed up love stories around me. Result? I end up getting depressed myself. I can't deny I like being the agony aunt to people I love,but this is just proving to be more and more stressful for me. It's not like things are as bright as the sunshine for me. I only end up feeling sad. Really really sad.

The brighter sides of life...

Tanya couldn't have come to town at a better time than this. A few conversations on the phone (for several hours each :P) just helped me feel soooooo much better. Unplanned outings (and growing tipsy and acting strange in libraries) and eating to my heart's delight...who's giving me the chance to complain here? The heat and growing more and more merciless with each passing day but my religious swimming is making me feel so much better and I'm not even having to sleep in the afternoons these days!!! Not to mention my reducing belly :D
Well...not that bad,eh? Better than poor fatty and many more who have no generators or air conditioners in their houses! *smile*

I'm often surprised at myself. I want to be everything I'm not. Why is it so? Is this human nature? I keep thinking to myself about doing this and that. The sideboard of my table is littered with post-it notes. So many plans...not one of them materializes. And then: light. Yes...it's not them. It's ME who's going through the rough patch. This is a bad time. Like a straw to a sinking man,he came day before yesterday. "Fight!",he says. "Things will start looking up for you post 1st May". I shouldn't be giving a damn about what he says. I shouldn't. I keep telling myself. But do I listen to myself? No. Who would? Who listens to good advice these days? NO ONE!!! I regret somethings i got involved in over the last year. I've changed. I don't want to be this way. I've lost my real self somewhere...as if my real self is screaming somewhere from down under. I'm deaf to its cries. But I still want to wake up. It's been too long. What have I been doing all this while? Work is knocking at my door. Banging. Thumping. I've been deaf to its cries. I've been thinking about so many insignificant things,which I'll probably laugh about later on. What is wrong with me? What happened to all my dreams? Where have all my ambitions gone? This is not me. I have to fight. He was right.

I'm fired up. I'm typing here like i never did before. I think it's working. I'm beginning to fight. I have to harden myself and compete.I have to get back in the race. I'm far behind. This is not how I was or how I want to be. I have to learn to say no and stick to my words. I can't keep being who I am. No. NO! God help me through this.

And thank YOU! I don't know what I would have done had I not read what you wrote. I needed the ignition. You are my ignition. Thank you.

My new phone :D

Ah. I quite like this new thing I have in my hands. This is my new Nokia 7210 Supernova.

Buying this phone after searching scores of sites made me realize one thing though. As Panda very rightly said the other day,there is no perfect phone in the world. Mobile manufacturers work on a secret deal: to never let their customers reach their bliss point. If they did allow such a thing to happen, it would be catastrophic. People would stop switching to new cellphones. Although I must admit I was very happy (or so it seems now) with my old Sony Ericsson W200i. Had an emotional attachment to it too,since dad had given it to me as a gift after my board results were out and it was the first phone I ever possessed of my own. A day after fussing over my Supernova,I realized it has everything my Ericsson didn't have: Bluetooth,a good camera and a functional GPRS connection. What this phone lacks is the brillaint sound quality which Ericsson phones have. I'm happy though. New things are always wonderful to have :D

Coldplay

As I type this post out,I'm listening to the new album from Coldplay called "Prospekt's March". It's a limited edition LP. Thank God for this blessing called UTorrent.

I became a huge fan of Coldplay from the very first moment I heard them. I loved their style of music. Theirs was probably the only sound that managed to elevate me,second only to Pink Floyd (need I comment on the latter?). Right from "Speed Of Sound" to "Green eyes",Coldplay took my breath away.

One of the main reasons why I've been a faithful fan of Coldplay was this: Coldplay went through a rough patch after Parachtes was released. They struggled with their album "X and Y",which wasn't very well received by critics. Then came a lull. It was after this that Coldplay reinvented its sound and came up with "Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends". I remember most of my friends had already lost their loyalty for this talented Irish Band. I,however,stuck by. They reinvented their sound and their music still gave me that same feeling of elevation. "Lost?" is a track on their album I can still listen to and forget the whole world around me exists. Some people accused Coldplay of ripping their track "Viva La Vida" off Satriani's "If I could Fly" (check out youtube for further info). I disagree with those who accuse Coldplay of plagiarism. It is very much possible that the same kind of riff may have come to Chris Martin's mind too. And I absolutely LOVE Chris Martin. Watching his live concerts opened up before me a new way of treating live concerts: he forgets the world,he's delirious,high on his own music. When he's performing clocks,he looks possessed,but it shows how much he's enjoying the whole experience. He transports you to his world. And you just follow...

Well nothing still compares the feeling of listening to "Clocks" in a dark room and letting the sound penetrate you. That's what I call "getting high",with music!

Hmm...I quite like this new look of my blog. It looked too dark before this. Almost dead.

The Escapades

Fever and illness just have the most brilliant timing ever. Talk about being spoilsports. Nothing could,however,dampen my spirits.
I went for my school reunion and was pleasantly surprised. Some people do change,while others just remain the same. I met quite a few people whom I hadn't seen in the last two years since i passed out of school. The highlights,however,were the renunion of the last benchers' association and the food! :D I did miss some people though...Reshma Begum and the very famous and much-talked about Monideepa Chattopadhyay: my sworn enemy. The first thing mom asked as soon as I entered home was if I had met them both :P

And then...the midnight escapade. I had never before thought i was capable of something like this or had the guts to do it,but yesterday,i did the unthinkable. It was Shalini's birthday and the plan was to go over and surprise her at midnight. With my newly senile and hyper father,it was difficult to leave home at midnight. Yesterday,however,i was in the mood to cross my limits. After thinking,rethinking,convincing myself only the worst could happen after I get caught,I did what i learnt from so many hindi movies i watched over these years. Well they hadn't gone to waste after all :P I dug out all my soft toys, arranged them to look like my sleeping body,covered them with my blanket and did the unimagineable. I took the gift and in my pajamas i went over to Shalini's place. I was seen by the guard downstairs and was followed a little too,but I don't think he saw following an ostrich like girl with a running nose as a better option compared to sitting on his cosy chair and dozing off.
Varun,as usual,forgot to get his gift. Well we did manage to surprise her and everyhting went off well.It was good fun...all the cake smearing,the typical Raj-Varun dum-dum-dum-dish jokes and pajama talk (yes my checkered pajamas were the highlight of the evening). After about an hour of staring at the unopened bottle of Brandy,i returned home,sweating once again with anxiety of getting caught and hauled up. Luck,however,was on my side for once. The door remained half open as i had left it. I sneaked in through the door (it creaked,but dad was sleeping like he had been drugged) and crept into bed. Phew! It was exciting,to break the rules and do what i always wanted to do :a midnight escapade! It was worth all the pains taken.